the 28th! We're throwing my sister ~Nery Laura~ a birthday party. If your in the 'hood come visit my crib! Music themed.... PARTY!

Badly, I can see the outcome.
Please stretch your mind to some thing new.
I’ll laugh at you if this comes out my way.
Crazy length of string cut to match my mood.
Float above the clouds, float in my parade.
How long should this be? Two miles long, two miles.
You will pick up the girl who walks her dog,
She’ll stare in wonder and fascination.
Reality can screw with your glad mind.
Pretty, you need to chill, follow me home.

A lot of people listen to music in the car, busy lives. Hurry hurry! There’s no time! The only time these people know how to relax is sitting in the bucket seats and fall asleep at the wheel because of gentle humming of their car. I adore that purr. I don’t drive. I know how but I don’t. (It involves money.) I get to sit in any seat other than the drivers and float into the engine. I’m sure I do way to much floating – so what?
….I know you might roll your eyes at this but I’m so glad that you exist…..
I listen to music while I write. I do so enjoy being laid back. (My mom didn’t know what ‘twang’ was. It was mentioned during CSI and she had no idea what it was – my sister, Laura and I tried to explain it to her. Rachel was there. It was a good conversation.) Florida, state of unconscious. Drive 20 mph. Smell the orange blossoms. Retire. I’m from Chicago. I’m different so these thoughts weren’t foreign to me but very different. Chicago, it’s the best city in the world. People are usually pretty damn nice – not so much so in New York. New York is the France of the US. California – I’ve never been there. (but leave before it makes you – soft.) I have a pal in the San Diego area. Chicago, always something to do – when I was there they were filming the Weatherman and Oceans 12. The saying was that if you saw a yellow Ferrari, you just saw Nick Cage… I LOVE him! (He worked with Angelina Jolie!) They were looking for extras but I was caged in the hospital. I love being cheesy. I COULD HAVE BEEN IN A NICHOLAS CAGE MOVIE! They were filming down the damn street from where I was! Chicago, always nothing to do. Tons of empty used book stores, empty coffee shops. Housing is a little expensive but pay is higher. The buildings actually touch the sky. If everyone would grab onto a star, next stop, the moon. It’s a port city down the river from New Orleans. (Another city I love.) It gets really fucking cold. I love it. Snuggling, but I don’t like that word. Nestling? Hiding under the covers with your love affair… one of my favorite aspects of cold weather. *bleck* Curse the English language for not having a word I can use. It gets sweaty, sultry, sticky sweet in the summer. Lots of running around naked to pretty hate machine. Perfection in between. Rainy beautiful days decorated with grey and wet. Sun and wind. The train. And we’re back to the purr. I get to go back in Sept. then again in March.
Chicago boys are so cute!

I've tried to tell Ryan I want to meet her. I know we'd get along. She'll never get the chance to say she hates me or likes me either way if she never meets me...but she has to meet me.

Thank you Rachel. Thank you Elise.

Ryan, stop dicking around ~ let's get on with our lives. I kow what your thinking and stop it. I love everyone and you know it. Cut the crap, I don't have the time to be unhappy, noone does. Everyone desearves to be gloriously happy ~EVERYONE~ You, Cindy, and especially me. I've been too sick for too long to deal with this - this situation sucks.

Let's have dinner! Let's have lunch! Whatever you want to do... no games.

I made the shirt, black one. I put a planet in the middle and around this purple and silver planet ~ silvery white letter proclaim GRAVITY ALWAYS GETS ME DOWN. It really didn't come out as kick ass as I wanted it to - but it 'aint that bad.

More petty problems = I think I listen to people. When someone has something to say - especially if it's serious! I always try to understand them and see what's really going on. I wish that when I listened, when I understand and try to make my case that who ever was doing the talking would do the same. I thought there was an unsaid mutual agreement. I was very wrong. My parents think I shouldn't see Ry unless his girlfriend is there - unless she is with us and watching over out every move. We don't want *Natasha* doing something with Ryan that we'll all infer virile young men and women do together... I should understand that Cindy doesn't want me around her new boyfriend and if I were a normal girl I would understand that ~ and damn it why can't I just hate him and curse his name to all the fires of hell like ANY NORMAL ex-girlfriend would do. Can't I understand that? ...
...well...yah, I can. I understand that perfectly. I told Ryan yesterday that he is probably making Cindy upset by hanging out with me. NO AND SORRY... but ~ I'm not normal. Excuse me if I'd understand that my current love affair is friends with his ex. Sure I'd be upset if he had to hang out with her every single day and broke dates with me and was sleeping at her house and eating dinner with her family all the time... but do you see what I'm getting at here? I don't do these things with Ryan, maybe, just maybe I might talk to him on the phone every once in a while, hang out every now and then. I do the same with all my friends. I've spoken more with Christian or Elise or just about anyone else than Ryan. I don't dislike Cindy. I've been pressuring Ryan to let me meet her! She likes Erasure! one of my favorite bands!!! I thought we just get along, Ryan said not yet, it's to weird... That's just me being 'unnormal' again I guess. Well for all my abnormalities my parents won't let me hang out with Ry unless Cindy is there. Ryan has told me she doesn't like me, which probably means she doesn't want to meet me. I've wanted to meet her a while... *lol* I wanted to warn her about 'Ryan' quirks so she'd be prepaired! She'd have someone to complain too and that person would know exactly what she was talking about. So if she never wants to meet me, I'll never hang out with Ryan again.
*lol* and I told myself this blod was not going to get personal. Well I might not have posted this except for I wanted Ryan to read this and he doesn't call me back and I thought maybe he might go online...

*yawn*
Ryan burned me 14 cds. I stole the 15th from him. Having this much new music to listen is blowing my gray matter clear into outer space. I’m not quiet sure I can call it new – I’ve heard it all before, what’s changed is that now I OWN it. I got Pink Floyd; The Format; Our Lady Peace; Eels; Lisa Loeb; The Weakerthans; and Bright Eyes. I have a nice Eels shirt and every time I wear this – all I get is “You must really like eel, wow you eat eel?”

Yes I eat eels. I eat them all up actually.

My coffee smells so good. Coffee gives a lot of people the gitters. Not me. It just tastes really good… My mother has drunk coffee her whole life. Puertorican coffee. (The kind the Pope gets imported cause that’s all he drinks!) Did you know that my family comes from the sugar cane capital of the world? In the middle of town square is a bronze statue of what looks like a migrant worker cutting sugar cane, ‘cept it ain’t no migrant worker. I’m from Puerto Rico by the way.
I’d like to learn to be more concise, but I have to much shit to say! I’d like to grab my dictionary and look up a new word for the day but I’m too damn lazy to get off my ass and get it. *lol* I’d like to do a lot. I have to make a shirt today. I’ve got new black and white shirts – virgins just waiting for me to make a bad perverted analogy. I’ve got these lovely lyrics I’d like to make into shirts – if I didn’t look like a damn lesbian I might use these lyrics for my shirts. ‘cause I like…birds.
Where as Christian is suppose to be writing – I’m not suppose to be! What the hell am I doing? Where as Jeremy is suppose to be acting – I’m not. Ryan, recording; Anthony, directing; Heather, writing; Akiba, creating; (I’m glad I surround myself with creative talent.) I know I’m suppose to be doing something creative and wonderful - *lol* I better go do it.
I thought of another Queegueg shirt. SAVE THE WHALES! COLLECT THE WHOLE SET! Then all the incarnations of the logo whale.
Oh and yesterday I made homemade, all natural dog treats. And all my dogs actually ate them! (I cut them out in the shapes of stars…*grin*)

I have to admit it. I really don’t like bugs. ~I did have to learn how to pick up those mealworms to feed my turtles. ~ This morning, Ryan calls me. He can’t take a shower cause there’s a spider in his tub. He hasn’t been able to take a shower in that bathroom for days… that’s how long it’s been there. I told him to take a box, a container – something – scoot the eight legged terror into the box with a broom and let it out into the free world.
He couldn’t.
I have to admit – I really dislike roaches if I saw one I’d probably make someone else kill it. There are fifty thousand million billion of those things. Even after nuclear war those bastards will be going strong. I need a guy that can kill a cockroach....!!! But usually, most spiders I can deal with.

Watched Simple Irresistible. I love cheesy. Like Water For Chocolate - naked people on horses. I liked it but I hated it. SI I mean. It's about my two favorite things. Magic. Food. I got to the point where Sarah Michelle Geller was kissing Sean Patrick Flannery and they were floating. Like I said. I love floating. I adore floating. My brother walked in and saw Sean freaking out about it.
"I'd love that!" Floating?
"Hell yah, if my girlfriend could make me float..."...then he walked out of the room.
There's also this thing they do with about twelve mirrors. You could see them dancing. Twelve of them. Imagine if you had twelve of your favorite person.
As I grin from ear to ear I can say that was for Christian and Elise! For everyone else too, but mostly them...

I just realized it was about my three favorite things. Magic. Food. Love. and not in that order.

Gozilla and myself! She likes to lick the world...

You've gone over your blogging minutes this month.....

Okay – the further adventures of *Natasha’s* obvious non-ability to flirt. It’s so sad. There I was at the Florida Mall. It was a tad busy, guys were there that didn’t have girls attached at the hip. Where was I? I happened to be staring at the damn FLOOR! I wasn’t looking up to show off these big brown eyes – OH NO! – I was looking down… what nice shoes you have, nice socks, shoes, shoes… oooh sandles. What the hell is my problem?
Oh yah, did I mention I was at the Florida Mall, and and and – while I was there… I was shopping at what I like to call “skinny stores.” Abercrombie and Fitch, American Eagle… even a little Hot Topic… I find this type of shopping wonderful and extraordinary. Granted I’m still not exactly one of those skinny skinny girls…. yet. Mwaaahaaahaaahaa……. and we’ll all float on okay…….. the strange thing about it is actually finding clothes that fit you, look good, and you want to wear them. Have you ever tried looking for fat people clothes ~ you might as well give up, grab the muumuu, and tattoo ‘feed me’ to various visible parts of your person. Since I was 16 – since I was 16…. I believe it was about two weeks before I was diagnosed with lupus I was shopping at 5-7-9… I had bought a brown sundress. Very plain. A medium blue big flower short dress. Very busy.
You loose weight and become perpetually COLD!

I’m very into lyrics.
…went to the porch to have a thought….you still got your words you still got your friends……my thoughts were so loud…and we’ll aLl fLoAt On OkAy…… Modest Mouse likes to float. I like that. I really like that. Ryan once asked me, “Who pays attention to the lyrics first?” I do. But I love sha do’s and la la la’s. Clapping. Who knows why I like clapping. (Maybe it’s a left over Sesame Street thing?) This morning I woke up with the worlds smallest mohawk. After chemo it’s exciting to think you have enough hair for a mohawk. It looks freak’n hysterical. After chemo is the best time in a persons life. You really find out, you know… your heart is truly full of hope, the actual sensation. I’m going to get better. It’s a lot like falling in love.
Sun: 1. self-luminous gaseous sphere about which the earth and other planets revolve and which furnishes light, heat, and energy for the solar – whoa…
I did not just hear that….if lifes not beautiful without the pain well I just would rather never ever see beauty again…. Oh my little mice… why would you say that…..no no no no no no no…. *sigh* system: it is the star nearest star nearest the earth 2. any star that is the center of a planetary system 3. something like the sun as in warmth, brilliance, splendor, ect. It’s also a type of plant, a type of hemp. Star: 1. any of the luminous or self-luminous heavenly bodies seen as points of light in the night sky 2. a conventionalized flat figure having (usually five or six) symmetrical projecting points, regarded as a representation of a star in the sky 3. any mark resembling such a figure, often used as an award, symbol of rank ect. 4. same as asterisk 5. regarded as influencing human fate or destiny.
Did you know people used to think certain emotions came from your spleen? Ever read Spleen and Ideal? Damn… I can’t believe I forgot who wrote that! That’s why I bought Dead can Dance, it’s a band. When I went to go buy the cd I went home with two… Spleen and Ideal and Into the Labyrinth. They were sitting on the rack waiting for me. DCD named themselves after the instruments, they wanted to prove ‘dead’ instruments can still make people dance.
When I really like the lyrics and the music – I make music videos for the song… my own secret music videos. There all in storyboard form. I was the layout editor for my elementary school journal, literary collection – same for freshman year in college.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELISE!!!