I just spent close to half hour finding a matching color to sky. Desktop hues and timbre on a computer screen, looking for a blue that wasn’t melancholy. The beat goes on my friends, I went with pink. The sky matches the nail polish I’m wearing. The pink matches the other nail polish I’m wearing. The Oberst photo matches my tini-bopper passions. Silvers, blues, and pinks… light and as chrome as digitally possible.

And because I’m me… maybe it’ll last a couple weeks before I decide a black screen with white words popping out at me is more subtle. Yah… subtle.

I sent the Format to a friend. They are her new gods. Why does it feel like I already said that? I guess I feel like I’m on repeat. For literary emphasize I was going to type that sentence over, three times. (My favorite number!) I don’t cut and paste – just retype. Speaking of, I’m trying to learn how to type without looking at the keys. Words I always use are really easy to type – or and at looking without but, words like trustworthy, I have to look at the keys to type correctly. If I learn how to do this – I could type as fast as I think… I think… that would make it easier to use the computer to write – stories and poems but it’ll never replace the journal. Can’t paste my movie tickets and draw little hearts and stars on my computer screen… well okay so I could but eventually the screen would get a little hard to read! I still haven’t found a new journal either. I usually switch before I finish the last page – but that’s another story and shall be told at another time…

I go read things other than my own pretentious words now…. Damn megalomaniacs…

*hee hee hee*... that used to be my favorite word! megalomaniac...

my heart is pounding a gajillion miles a minute.

I went to Barnes and Noble.

His name is Matt.

I gave him my e-mail on the back of this little halloween make your own monster sticker.

I was cute in my new glasses (pink and slightly cat eyed)... eels T (which he commented on and I was buying Chuck P. which he ALSO commented on!)

But *FROWN* I asked a girl about him and she said she thinks he has a girl friend *oi* why flirt and follow me around if you have a girl!!!

we'll see...

i also wrote a poem....

*sigh*
___________________________________

I want you to mistake me for the popular band, the one that has the absolute radio beat. La la la – feathered electric voices on pretty pretty strings. Forever love on your heart but please we need to be one hit wonders every week. Come on! There are no new ideas and you have I have sung this song, at one o’clock, twelve, seven and three. Go. Don’t. The list : Stars, Love, broken glass dripping, it’s the past, your favorite subject? Take your brick emotion, the clouds in my pocket protect me. Of course I like the music – I’m not that creative. I only drowned myself in Crayola. (Remember when you were that age?) And I’m laughing cause you need new music. My station plays the oldies. This is just my encyclopedia. B sharp. Ha Ha Ha…

Watching mTv 2 first in the morning… not recommended – spanish stuck into the lyrics of some some then violins in some others. *hurmp* damn cute musicians… I listen to this band called Dead Can Dance. (They are defiantly not the Format.) Kinda dark, not even a “band” really, more like a orchestrated arrangement and unification of instruments and sounds not particularly used anymore. It’s weird when the bands singing doesn’t look like their voice.

This has nothing to do with that but I love boys in black nailpolish.

A while back I was asked to write for a an independent comicbook company, I was also was asked not to change. I didn’t write and I changed. I have a fear of bridges. Maybe in a past life my car went rolling off one, maybe I committed suicide by doing a beautiful swan dive into Mississippi. In this life I have never done any cRaZy thing on a bridge. I can walk across ‘em. I can drive across. It’s more like waiting. Holding your breath, cause you don’t know if you should tell him. So. You jump out the window and the glass shatters into a billion pieces behind you – but it was only the first floor! Getting up, brushing yourself off, you look to make sure that one saw you, brush yourself off and walk away so you don’t get caught. That was an easy was way out of the problem wasn’t it.

i was in the passanger seat. i looked towards her to make my point and she pulled out a semi-miniature blottle of Listerine - a really cute round one NOT the rectangle kind... guzzeling the bright blue stuff with one gulp while she's turning onto Lake Shore Drive... THIS IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOUR SISTER STUDIES DENTISTRY.I proceded to try to make her laugh ~ of course so I could see her squirt toxic mint out her nose. She giggled but no luck. so... yah... my personal trainer/wellness person is cool. She's a bit flighty.... but cool....

so i have few people that will listen now-a-days.... sad state of affairs. For goodness sake - get sick and fall off the face of the planet for a year and everyone has... changed. i guess i have as well. I WANT TO GO OUT AND STAY OUT... but i now i have different reasons why i can't. (no car) plus... i don't want to go out by myself anyway. but the point is no one wants to go out anyway!

the only person i have found to go see shaun of the dead with me is my mother.

...oi...

i did find someone for I <3 Huckabees!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i ate/tried the worst guacamole ever today - Tiajuana Flats... however you spell it.
good burritos though...

i'm suppose to meet with a personal trainer/wellness therapist on Wends. Eval.

i never manage to stop surprising myself - at how i continually disappoint myself. AND if you can't read between the lines with that sentence i don't know how to help....... yah....

went to a reptile show today. hot hot hot hot guys. do they live around here? Where have they *been* all my life? Did i even manage to stop looking at the floor? For two seconds... no i am not yankn' your crank. When i was *taken* it was so easy to walk up to anyone and say hello. now i have these waves of - calm down it's okay you can flirt these guys, no one is watching - nobody cares anymore so do whatever (just not to much whatever! *lol*)

they were so cute.
tall. very tall. dirty blond. had some safari shorts on - slightly, almost to tight t-shirt with the outline of a cat, underneath LOVER was written. AS WAS HE EVER (he was also carrying a snake...in the venomous room...! - i almost had to go splash cold water on my face to chill out.)

SO STOP BEING SO DAMN SHY WILL YOU!!!!!