it's horrid -
i think i'm going to have to be one of those people that have to write everything down in order to remember: 1. Wake up - try to remember to do this in the morning when there is still time to do things through out the day. 2. Take your meds - you only have a few months left now is not the time to screw up 3. Eat breakfast - if you take meds and not eat = dreafull results.

you get the photo right?

i have been forget girl - everyday i forget more and more, in some aspects of the revolving world that can be a blessing... if your mother told you two seconds ago to turn down the air.con.dish and you don't remember till she asks you about it three hours later... issues...

i was told that the lupus had started attacking my brain just before the stem-cell transplant. wierd 'eh?

I like working out better than I thought... which is REALLY REALLY WIERD.... I always thought it was a form of highly tortureous torture. and now... I like it?


Hell is freazing over - I seem to remember that I drempt that.....

*arg*

rat-a-tat-tat

Hobos and Tramps!

I decided this morning to have a halloween party *thing*...

Come to my house if you want free food and want to watch horror movies all day.

Your all invited - EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET!

...yah - you too...

AND AND AND!!!!!!!!!!!
I got my tickets to Honorary Title and THE FORMAT!!!!!!!!!

WHOO HOO....

Quilt update:
I just purchased an Our Lady Peace shirt and another Eels shirt... I could part with my actual one....

*sigh*

My dreams are vivid.

And I love Quentin Tarantino.

If I could have my own harem of men – you’d see some interesting faces. ME-OW!

Last night whilst snuggling under covers – eyes closed, I dreamt of tea services. Not the art of taking tea, the articles you use to serve the tea. The museum in question was entirely created in dedication to the presentation of tea. Tea pots, saucers, cozies, sugar bowls, those awesome tins that tea used to come in a million years ago. Just as a insignificant side not here – I don’t like tea. There is only one type of tea I like, I found it while touring Germany… it was the most expensive tea I’ve ever seen and it was very fruity. Those who have Lupus aren’t suppose to drink tea anyway. I was taking a guided view of the place – lots of big tables with tea sets all over – the tin cans were prominently displayed in bookshelves that were recessed into the walls. All in all, the place was magnificent. I ADORE tea sets. If only I drunk the stuff. I can drink my coffee in tea set right? I could, but I’d feel dirty!!! I used to crochet tea cozies. My miniature doll house may have had not much furniture but it had tea cozies! (Which also substituted for rugs and throws. I also used those little wallpaper samples as book covers and I used to bind tiny-tiny little books, my little people had ever volume ever made.) I have one miniature tea set. It has faeries on it… of course... teeny tea cups. Isn’t that what life is about – tiny tea services. Small portions : Don’t be a glutton. Petite patterns : Appreciate the little things in life. There are always two cups : Share what you have. Usually the smaller size makes them more fragile : Everything is more fragile than you think, so be careful… with everything. And COME ON those cute little napkins and spoons and forks and imagination! Have fun! Sugar Bowls! Life is sweet! You know what I’m getting at!

I also need a new journal. That last one is kinda done… not all the pages are filled but it’s dead and gone – bury it – continue living… poor thing…

I’m going to sing and dance crazily ‘round my house…..

So yes - I'm going to talk about *Eric.*

*Eric* is a little known fact in my sordid affairs. I've know *Eric* for years before I met *Ryan.* I had a stint with this fellow.

He lived far away. (But still within hours.) He had no ambition, except this wrestling thing which bugged the SHIT out of me. I can almost go as far as to say when he put his mind to it he could outstory *Christian* NOT COMPLEATLY *Eric*'s were longer and what he wrote to me... He wrote to ME. The entire time I was with *Ryan* - *Eric* was still going after me. He still seems to be ~ I told him about the breakup and he was ready to kick some ass but still shimmering with the fact maybe maybe maybe....

Actually I really like *Eric* but...

yah - but

no ambition. And this fucking kills me. I can't deal with sitting on your ass wasting your talents 'cause this kid is very talented. Very. He's cute. Needs a haircut cause he's a damn hippie. A really big football player looking hippie. He's a gemini. Maybe he's just the male version of me? He's very nice. (I hope I'm nice.) Creative. Loves to roleplay. (What you didn't know I liked to roleplay?) And his sex drive even mirrors mine... the stint remember..... but I care to much about the future to re-stint with this *Eric*.

He thinks I should worry to much.

By the way he makes me lauph. (And that's what is really important here. Why else would I dedicate almost a whole blog to him?!)

We'll stay friends - that I know. But the sexual tension darlings is to die for ~ !

He needs to find true happiness and I told him I'd use my star tonight for him. I'm going to wish for his true happiness. I'm going to do this on the night of the lunar eclipse. (Tonight)

Half of the thing is this whole transplant I had... I was going to die. I knew I was going to die. Now I feel...

Now I know I'm going to live forever.

Actually, I don't know what that has to do with anything but - at the same time - I'm looking at things differently. Everyone around me is convinced of me. Of what I do and don't do and how I am. I think everyone is in for a shock. Something is in the works...

I'm in the works....

Quilt update: I'm currently watching cheap shirts for Kweller, Bright Eyes, and Our Lady Peace. I'm so glad most of them are way to HUGE for me to wear 'cause ... damn.
STILL havn't found a good musical fabric for a sort of background but I'm thinking of how I can do this without it. When life gives you lemons... squeeze the juice into a watergun and shoot people in the eyes! (Where did I read that?) I believe I've throughly decided to use the back of the shirts on the quilt as well. One side fronts / other side backs. Bright Eyes has no back. I don't think The Format or Honorary Title do either... Kweller don't. I'm just going to use the solid colors of the back of the shirt though ~ *cringe* ~ how funky is that going to look?

I'm suppose to get on awesome B.K. (not Burger King smartass!) shirt in the mail. I hope it fits and it as wonderfull as I think it will be. Damn the internet and it's abilty to let you purchase without actually looking at the item! (The guy that sold it to me lives in Norwalk with Christian and Anthony and Jeremy... well not WITH them but you know what I mean!)

Today is another do nothing day. I'll read, write, dance around in my bedroom to various musical pleasantries. I already have my quilt planned out. I think I'm going to have to just break down and BUY Rhett M. His is cheeper than the others anyway. I think I'm going to vote early. But I kinda wanted to vote on the 2nd. oh well...

waho... that was a shitload of babble....