how come things are going so well and I'm so depressed?
Quick Overview...
I used to weigh over 200lbs because of the pills I was taking, now I'm at 160 and none of my old clothes fit me! My mom had to take me shopping because my pants were literally falling off! I got a really cute gray pleated short skirt, an awesome punky pink one, two basic girlie cut t's, (one green to match my Converse the other in a light grey,) you can see a picture of my fucking awesome green and pink cons on Christian's blog (thank you Christian!) oh yah - and this button down girlie fushia shirt with black stripes... IT WAS A SMALL - the size I mean, I <- ME! fit into a small shirt, I also got a really neat (I like the word neat - so sue me) pair of black pants that are remincent of tuxedo pants... except for girls.

I love my new girlier wardrobe. I next purchse is a pair of pink Dickies. I used to have Dickies overalls, they were my favorite pants, when I worked backstage I could carry my hammer and nails, paintbrushes, string, safety pins, gum and my watergun (to spray the naked actors....there's nothing like a the wet look on your favorite actor!)... I still need more girly clothes...

Medically everything is going well, everything is on track now. My platelets are going back up - by themselves... by next week I think I'll only have to take one pill instead of the over twenty pills I used to have to take - no chemo - no nothing! (No signs of Lupus YAY!) My blood pressure is great, my pulse is a little high but I can help that out with exercise - which I have been doing! Everything is peachy.

Since I don't have to work, and I can't go to school - I have all day to do whatever the fuck I want... so what do I want? Brillant question...

I want to get my old shity job back, I want to be bored to tears in front of a college professor that looks like various forest creatures ~ depending on the angle. I want to get the hell out of my parents house (I love them dearly but I'm 24! If my mother tells me to 'clean my room' again I'm going to explode into tiny bits of flesh...) I want to learn how to drive, or rather, how to park. I want a car. A pink car. With flames. White anime flames hot on the tail of faeries on either side. I want to stop being a mooch to everyone I know! Yah, I know I was sick and I still am BUT in my mind I am the most annoying person on the damn planet. Everything needs to be done for me, I mooch for money, car rides, clothes, food, shoes... you name it I've mooched it. I HATE IT! In my next life - hermit - deep deep into the woods - I'll never have to rely on anyone. It'll be wonderfull.

I want to be someones inspiration.

I don't even know when I'll be able to be normal again... at least normal for me.

I saved a turtle today. Driving back from the hospital, we passed the Car Wash on 192 by Valencia/Big Lots area... it was slowly making it's way under the tires of huge redneck trucks. I pushed it into the grass. I stood in the pouring florida thunderstorm rain so my mother could go get a box from a store in the strip mall and so the turtle wouldn't try to hobble back into the road. We're going to take the poor thing to the Serpentariam (sp?) or GatorLand tomarrow. It's almost as big as my forearm. I'm really not allowed to touch turtles so I couldn't find out if I saved a delicate flower or a great typhoon. Girl turtles usually have a flatter bellyshell - while the boys have an arched one...::bachicawahwah::.... I like reptile people. They are the underdog of pet owners - and arguably the most passionate. I've been to reptile shows and dogs shows... some dog people are just too damn stuffy - PLUS at the reptile show the really cute guys had awesome tatoos *sigh a half!* I saved a turtle today.

Have you ever seen 'The Creator' with Peter O'Toole? I love that movie... I'm going to look for the Big Picture... I'll be right back...